August Rush

So this movie is about so many things. So many beautiful things. And I don’t like to cuss but after it all I could say was “Fucking lovely.” Sometimes the swears add the emphasis that the nice words can’t. August Rush. It’s about family. Love. Being faithful. About the Purity in Music. In Art. About dreaming. About being fearful and fearless. About returning to what's true to you. Awful tragedy and coming back from it, coming to the triumph that follows. A story that is both heartbreaking and inspiring, heartwarming. Heartwarming, a word I hardly use because I hardly feel it but... August Rush. I got chills. Almost cried. It's beautiful. And, I feel like I need to watch it by regular routine. These are the times though I have almost $40 in my bank account right now, I'd buy the movie anyway. Shoot. I'm sure I'm missing more of what I felt, but goodness! The children were so talented. The adults so afraid. But it all came together. And, it seems unlikely. That could be an argument, that it'd never happen. But, I can believe that with what had to happen for something amazing to result it's possible. That's what makes it about being faithful. Something you can't see but can hear and can trust and can know, and act accordingly. Faith is about much more than religion. And in a way that's all it is about. When I feel my greatest it's because I am faithful. When I trust something is going to work out. When I talk to God. When I talk to my equivalent of the Irish guy with the pretty eyes, that I haven't met yet. When I write, with no regard for how nice, artistic or profound it sounds. When something sweeps me off of defeat, of monotony, of worry... faith. But I could write forever on it. And I would post a video, but it wouldn't do the movie justice. I could post a couple, but I really just wish you would go out and watch it. The worse thing you could do is watch a couple clips and think you've seen, and more importantly, felt, it all. Be faithful. Go watch it. Whether it's the next time it comes on cable (like I did when I woke in the middle of the night though my friends had shown me parts of it on YouTube before) or find it online ('cause sometimes you can't quite afford to buy) or buy it. Do something. Sigh. I loved it! Sittin' there wondering if I found a favorite...

1/1/10

Friday. I woke up at 8am. Wrote to him. I woke up at 3pm. Got a two cheeseburger meal from McDonald's, which I miss dearly from my hometown. Listened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Packed, while I ate and listened. Caught train. Got there 10 minutes early. Glad I didn't overestimate time. Caught bus. Wrote on the bus. Still unable to write feelings, partnered with thoughts. I end up feeling thoughts. I have a tendency to do that. Such as, "I feel like you don't give a damn about me." Not "my heart aches" blah blah trite. touchy feely. so opposed. but i must learn. it's definitely a useful skill. Just so opposite to the way I've had to handle things recently. And by "things,"I mean "feelings." Got off the bus. It too, was 10 minutes early. Sat in the cold, my booty on the chilly then bench pavement. Lacked vigilance as i pulled hat from my deteriorating travel bag. It was gold. Smile. Ha. Waited maybe 20 min for my Dad to pick me up. Around 15 started talking to myself about how much this waiting has colored my relationships with people. Got in the car. Came home. The rest... is the rest.

So, the song I heard in my head that made me want to listen to RHCP

"21st Century" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers



I just kept hearing,

"Read me your scripture
Read me your scripture
And I will twist it.

Give me your wrist and
Give me your wrist and
I will kiss it."

That alone is something to think about. Which I will do, some other time.

December 31st, 2009

1.   I’ve set an alarm on my phone for sometime late December 2010, a series of alarms actually. They read as follows:

willbeinlovew/

therightpersonh

ecarriesmyheart

andihis

forsometimenow.

I’m optimistic for once. Shout outs to E.E. Cummings.

2. I can feel already how different 2010 is going to be. 2009 was long. Was transformative, in an obvious way. Accumulation of little differences when presented to the public showed drastic change. For the good. For the bad. The latest was the good. Holler.

3. I like to write to people. I like to write to people and not send it to them. It’s an exercise :] But, I’m currently working on something for someone who will last. Which means I’ll be writing it for a while ‘cause it’ll take a lot of convincing for me to think someone will last.

a. Though I’ve made the mistake of pretending I thought something was worth vulnerability mistakes about that kind of thing before.

4. In time for New Year brand change… what are my vices?

a. People watching.

b. Anonymous readership.

c. Developing crushes and shooting down possibilities, forming character breaks in crush—the last time I met and formed some semblance of a relationship with a crush (though he never knew he was one), he died. That sucks. I don’t wanna meet another one and have him die. Is that my real fear? Idk anymore.

d. Convincing myself that my efforts don’t matter, in most things worth risking my comfort for.

e. Knowing better, and not acting accordingly.

f. I’m tired of this exercise…

5. I better enjoy myself tonight! My pockets are growling, they so hungry and that bus ride here better be worth it.

6. Here’s to me consistently having something to say! [And when I say “here’s” I lift my eyebrow. Would be proper if it was a champagne glass (and champagne) to clank but nah]