just when i thought it might not have been possible,

i've found a new thing to be afraid of. goodness me, i'm good. i really need to find a new skill/sick subconscious hobby. but i recognized it as soon as the thought formed, so i'm gonna start working on it now. though, it's one of those things i can't really control or detect without a couple years of living and mistakes, or not mistakes. aren't those the best fears?

annnnyyywho. i plan to wake up tomorrow. find some "cut that fear out" music and start afresh. maybe i should do that before going to sleep, but maybe i'll dream process it. we (I) shall see. mmhm. night night.

wait wait. i just realized... it's not new. i just remembered it, though I had buried it for lack of reason to fear. timing. the potential of missing my blessing. ill-directed and ill-spent focus and emotion  and lack of ability to find a balance. yeah, that's an oldie but a goodie.