Monday, April 12, 2010

somewhere else.

sometimes when i spend the day in my room (read: most of it in sunshine, music and carelessness, even if it's just accidental) i think i'm pretending that instead of escaping from a week of school, meetings and pretending i can still be who i used to be, i am winding down from my week of writing somewhere something somehow, as a career. and this is my new york apartment. and i look out  my window, and i watch the bricks. not really people, just the bricks, and the fire escapes and for bird whispers. sometimes i pretend all there is, is the sounds coming from my window of traffic and random conversations, of buses especially and horns -- pretend all that concerns me is the light and the air coming from my window(s). it's a nice pretend place. that's why it's so hard for me to leave it. but you know, me, i can't really get much else of what i want if i pretend this is all that concerns me. wish i could write more. need to be inspired more i guess. i really need to make choices and moves. prepare for opportunity. that's the truth. the painful tiring difficult (for lack of a word to express the Platonic form of my distress) thing is going through the motions in the in between. It's the motions, the routine, that "what i'm sposed to do. what i'm supposed to care about" that takes the breath out of me more than anything. and i'm trying really hard to remind myself not to be ungrateful. though i don't have to really remind myself that i am grateful. i think i just wish that being grateful for opportunity automatically made the opportunity perfect, that having what i thought i wanted will make me happy, but it's never that simple. there was a time when school... was pretty much it for me. i guess it's good that it's not quite like that anymore. i just don't know what to do with the in between.but pray. pray? pray.

ALSO, i'm just obsessed with this video/performance/group right now.a little unrelated, but if i can create something as affecting/infectious/moving (and i mean my body y'all) as this. that'd be dope :] also, this brings up my question/theory (or thoughts?) of building foundations so that different people can meet and make beautiful things together once preparation meets opportunity. uh huh, whatever. yeah. enjoy.

The Mighty Third Rail, 
"Death Boogie"

might i say, the shoulders in the beginning and the high fives at the end, and just the general body rock from everybody more than made my day. actually just their whole energy together is great. they're dope. and i'm fitna catch the next show in the city. period.