Friday, January 29, 2010

one more thing!

i can't wait until I get my check because i'm buying this new Corinne Bailey Rae!!!
i plan to be immensely and abundantly happy!!
just like with the first album... playing it only (well, majorly haha), for weeks.

and this is my favorite song off the first album! *sighs*


so i'm not quite sure how this is gonna end up but,

I've seen it: Avatar. Today, in 2D still as beautiful as everyone says. And though, I was prepared to be utterly disturbed by the Europeans massacring the Native Americans parallel it did not ruin the movie for me. Yes, it is problematic that there's this whole native people one with nature perpetual idea... but i just couldn't get how fearless they were out of my mind. Forget all the savage and primitive BS the humans or whatever were throwing at the people of Pandora... maybe I'm messed up but I thought they were amazing.

'Cause I had that thought... The "going native" problem is real, and frustrating but I had the thought... Could who I am as a person now make it in Pandora? Now I talked with my friend about this on the train very briefly and she said it before I even saw the movie that when you see it you want to become one of them. And, I just kept thinking throughout the movie... "They're flying... and they're jumping.. oh you just gonna face them creatures? oh y'all just gonna choose each other and fly and be bonded?!" Oh dee. Like, there's something to be said for how it seems like they don't put limits on themselves like we do. And, what I said to my friend was that at a certain point/age we get too afraid to fly. Like, you reach adulthood and you don't think you can learn something new that takes that much trust in your ability and whatever else you believe in. So much is impossible the older you get. Who i am now... their world scares me. It's aesthetically pleasing as all get out, beautiful. And, I recognize that them being connected to nature is like "eye-roll" but what if you could connect with your ancestors that way? Back to flying... I ended it here, if I had been born in Pandora, sure cause you know, that's all I'd know. But, 20 years of life here? Beyond me. Or at least, that'd be my initial reaction. I really hope I have a dream about Avatar tonight. It'd be dope if I could dream with the same quality of the movie on the big screen. Awesome, actually.

Anywho... it always come back here. Doggone it!
I had an urge to listen to this song on my way back from the movie.

and recently, one of my friends shared this version with me. 1. Blossom Dearie. Dope name. 2.  "Give Him The Ooh-La-La" as an album title? ill! And, I wish I had thought of it first.


"I’m learning to fly, but I ain’t got wings. Coming down is the hardest thing."

Tom Petty

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

list: ridiculous hump day summary.

(missing much of what's making me feel bleh)

1. Fire alarm a couple min after i get up this morning, in the building?
2. No, my olive oil hair spray set off the fire alarm in my room. Was greeted by a security guard at my door to find that it was just my room.
3.. it was supposed to be reset, i guess it hadn't been 'cause it didn't stop. shower. dress. alarm still on. went and got help from downstairs... this spanned a good 40 min.
4. somehow, this didn't drive me crazy and i just went on with what i had to do.. and even played a little Little Dragon. probably would have drove a normal person wild. me, i don't even know...
5. i had the distinct and overwhelming feeling i would find something today.
6. instead of that,

40 min fire alarm

alarm clock set pm instead of am blinking my nerves

useless inappropriate, inaffective (i mean it as written) boy too late

friend doppelganger in jazz class

4 Nikki Giovanni books of poetry (i am not complaining)

Mrs. Fields cookies (i've learned emotional eating doesn't work for me)

and several urges to curl up in a corner

moments in the elevator where i felt heavy enough to drop unwittingly

& other smaller *fart sound with tongue* moments.
7. Having a feeling that you're supposed to move a certain way... today was just a feeling it seems. I found myself saying "something tells me to go into Starbucks though I have no money," "walk across to that escalator," "just look over the balcony where the restaurants are," "leave out of this entrance," walk down this street away from the subway stop and over to the next block and come back around," "get into this train car," "wait here" etc in this random vein. I didn't always listen to these random voices... maybe that's why I'm in this predicament now. I highly doubt it, but that means nothing. It too, is just a feeling.
8. I was bright today. I had no choice, I had on pink pants in January. I enjoyed the heck out of it. I had never realized how dark every outfit is on the street. Though, the rest of the people were in season today and i probably will be tomorrow today i just wanted pink! and i don't even like pink, but the pants matched my tie.
9. I have a silver necklace with a heart, and a little treasure chest on it. Today, i realized i wanted to wear it once i already had a tie on. no suh, i put the necklace on my wrist and kept it moving. i've been wearing it for the last couple of days around my neck but today around my wrist and the chest opened. i just remembered why it feels wrong for me to call it a treasure chest! it's a prayer box, that's what the box i got for Christmas from my grandfather's mistress turned wife, said. i pray into it, audibly, lips close. it opened today, but i found a spot and turned my back to watchers and said "Dear God, I want all the things I said back in here." I wonder if that was too lazy of a prayer.


I hadn't intended on going all the way here but...

I'm just thinking about how there are certain decisions you make or things that happen in life that could only happen in the moment and with the build-up and history that comes before it. This can be a good thing, it can also be a bad/strange/disorienting/wack thing. Timing is a trip! And, letting go is a journey. In that same vein, so are the steps you have to take to meet your event or happening that is coming for you... that you don't even know about yet, or may even hope for. Still moments, are only still in a small scope. Some times are meant to be slower, and sometimes you feel stagnant but have the potential to be moving/doing whatever you can until you get to where you want to be.

So many changes I've gone through since I got to college, so small and so varied and sneaky and important that  I can hardly keep track of them. But, it's happening for the better and I'm growing. And, I'm starting to feel like I can shake off anxieties and worries I've had about not being enough to pursue what I want. I've heard it said a lot and I think about it sometimes: You only get one life. When you think of that, what other people think and your own fears (wherever they may stem from) can't compare to what you can gain from living a life with little to no regrets, from growing and moving on, overcoming and taking on new challenges, going where you can go and being able to be proud of who you're becoming. And this is a little morbid, maybe but living and dying are kind of inseparable things. Each day that you're living is getting you closer to the day that you die. It's something I think about every once and while, not a lot 'cause that's a lil too heavy and almost unnecessary for the every day. But I read this is in a poetry workshop last week. I'll leave on that note.

"For the Anniversary of My Death" by W.S. Merwin

Every year without knowing it I have passed the day
When the last fires will wave to me
And the silence will set out
Tireless traveler
Like the beam of a lightless star

Then I will no longer
Find myself in life as in a strange garment
Surprised at the earth
And the love of one woman
And the shamelessness of men
As today writing after three days of rain
Hearing the wren sing and the falling cease
And bowing not knowing to what

 ----- I need to get up on my two stanza (short poems) poetry. I have never written anything this short and complete (aside from random haikus and stuffs). His poem is actually pretty amazing to me. I'm going to work on it.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Missed Connections.

So I randomly came across this blog yesterday that led me to this blog called Missed Connections. So apparently, there is this whole phenomenon where people post instances where they had a connection with someone and missed out on whatever could've happened there. Missed connections, I gather, are meeting eyes and feeling your heart jump/ seeing something really interesting about a person that just draws you in etc etc and not making moves. The blog above showcases Sophie Blackall's illustrations of these instances with the text from things written on Craigslist or the missed connections website. She's focusing on New York but there are different ones for different cities. It's wild to me that this exists, because it just seems to me this is something that happens and you might smile at or kick yourself for later and leave it at that. I wonder how many of these things actually work out. Dreams dashed or come true and all that jazz. Either way, I think the illustrations are dope, and fun. Now, I'm pretty interested in the idea. Thinking I might write a story or something. But, it has already been done of course in movies, books and songs. It is an old idea that never gets old in my opinion, especially since I hadn't realized how it has already entered my consciousness in other ways/forms.

For example, Alicia Keys and Mos Def in this song/video...


Or Lenny Kravitz and this woman from the little restaurant in the video for "Again" (with the infamous booty/shower shot). The embedding is disabled, so to YouTube (click the link) you go.

 Or in the movie Meet Joe Black. And, this one was pretty intense.

That's the best of the YouTube vids. Missed connection starts around 1:10. It would've been nice to see the convo beforehand. Whoever is in charge gone make sure you watch the movie. It's good though. Long as all get out, but I enjoyed it.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

You know 'em.

Either you've heard "Not Just Knee Deep" in this scene.

or "Give Up the Funk (Tear the Roof Off the Sucker)" in this, the greatest of all commercials (greatest, meaning I played it like 10 times when I first saw it because it made me smile that deep).

or have had the great fortune of just hearing/learning of their music in some other way. I can't remember where it started for me but "Oh, happy day!"

Parliament Funkadelic. AND one of the security guards at my school used to play/sometimes still plays with them! Every once and a while you find remarkable people here, with a great love for something.

I'll leave you with a few words from George Clinton I found on the inside of my "Funked Up: The Very Best of Parliament" CD.

"All that is good is nasty and ain't nothin' good unless you play with it."
(I'll let you think on that one)

and less racy

"Funk is its own reward."

Indeed. Though, I wonder whether that's meant just for the performers/musicians/singers or if listeners are included. I'm just gonna include myself.

(disregard the first 17 or 18 secs) but yes, they did. "Agony of Defeet"