I hadn't intended on going all the way here but...

I'm just thinking about how there are certain decisions you make or things that happen in life that could only happen in the moment and with the build-up and history that comes before it. This can be a good thing, it can also be a bad/strange/disorienting/wack thing. Timing is a trip! And, letting go is a journey. In that same vein, so are the steps you have to take to meet your event or happening that is coming for you... that you don't even know about yet, or may even hope for. Still moments, are only still in a small scope. Some times are meant to be slower, and sometimes you feel stagnant but have the potential to be moving/doing whatever you can until you get to where you want to be.

So many changes I've gone through since I got to college, so small and so varied and sneaky and important that  I can hardly keep track of them. But, it's happening for the better and I'm growing. And, I'm starting to feel like I can shake off anxieties and worries I've had about not being enough to pursue what I want. I've heard it said a lot and I think about it sometimes: You only get one life. When you think of that, what other people think and your own fears (wherever they may stem from) can't compare to what you can gain from living a life with little to no regrets, from growing and moving on, overcoming and taking on new challenges, going where you can go and being able to be proud of who you're becoming. And this is a little morbid, maybe but living and dying are kind of inseparable things. Each day that you're living is getting you closer to the day that you die. It's something I think about every once and while, not a lot 'cause that's a lil too heavy and almost unnecessary for the every day. But I read this is in a poetry workshop last week. I'll leave on that note.

"For the Anniversary of My Death" by W.S. Merwin

Every year without knowing it I have passed the day
When the last fires will wave to me
And the silence will set out
Tireless traveler
Like the beam of a lightless star

Then I will no longer
Find myself in life as in a strange garment
Surprised at the earth
And the love of one woman
And the shamelessness of men
As today writing after three days of rain
Hearing the wren sing and the falling cease
And bowing not knowing to what

 ----- I need to get up on my two stanza (short poems) poetry. I have never written anything this short and complete (aside from random haikus and stuffs). His poem is actually pretty amazing to me. I'm going to work on it.