list: ridiculous hump day summary.

(missing much of what's making me feel bleh)

1. Fire alarm a couple min after i get up this morning, in the building?
2. No, my olive oil hair spray set off the fire alarm in my room. Was greeted by a security guard at my door to find that it was just my room.
3.. it was supposed to be reset, i guess it hadn't been 'cause it didn't stop. shower. dress. alarm still on. went and got help from downstairs... this spanned a good 40 min.
4. somehow, this didn't drive me crazy and i just went on with what i had to do.. and even played a little Little Dragon. probably would have drove a normal person wild. me, i don't even know...
5. i had the distinct and overwhelming feeling i would find something today.
6. instead of that,

40 min fire alarm

alarm clock set pm instead of am blinking my nerves

useless inappropriate, inaffective (i mean it as written) boy too late

friend doppelganger in jazz class

4 Nikki Giovanni books of poetry (i am not complaining)

Mrs. Fields cookies (i've learned emotional eating doesn't work for me)

and several urges to curl up in a corner

moments in the elevator where i felt heavy enough to drop unwittingly

& other smaller *fart sound with tongue* moments.

7. Having a feeling that you're supposed to move a certain way... today was just a feeling it seems. I found myself saying "something tells me to go into Starbucks though I have no money," "walk across to that escalator," "just look over the balcony where the restaurants are," "leave out of this entrance," walk down this street away from the subway stop and over to the next block and come back around," "get into this train car," "wait here" etc in this random vein. I didn't always listen to these random voices... maybe that's why I'm in this predicament now. I highly doubt it, but that means nothing. It too, is just a feeling.
8. I was bright today. I had no choice, I had on pink pants in January. I enjoyed the heck out of it. I had never realized how dark every outfit is on the street. Though, the rest of the people were in season today and i probably will be tomorrow today i just wanted pink! and i don't even like pink, but the pants matched my tie.
9. I have a silver necklace with a heart, and a little treasure chest on it. Today, i realized i wanted to wear it once i already had a tie on. no suh, i put the necklace on my wrist and kept it moving. i've been wearing it for the last couple of days around my neck but today around my wrist and the chest opened. i just remembered why it feels wrong for me to call it a treasure chest! it's a prayer box, that's what the box i got for Christmas from my grandfather's mistress turned wife, said. i pray into it, audibly, lips close. it opened today, but i found a spot and turned my back to watchers and said "Dear God, I want all the things I said back in here." I wonder if that was too lazy of a prayer.

goodnight.