Wednesday, May 5, 2010

numb but

i'll be okay. i always am.

last night, all the buzzing that i've been feeling inside was released
into hums
humming down the street
audible enough for strangers
i had no regard
i still don't care

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


i was looking in my little blue book where i write quotes, song lyrics, thoughts etc for another sign. and again, right as i let out the supplication, "just one more..." i found this:

(apparently, i wrote it today a year ago... though it doesn't feel that it would be that long ago i wrote something like this...)
5/4/09   I have to keep believing. It's not enough to believe really hard for one day or one weekend or even a week. I have to have (sometimes often blind) unwavering faith that I get what my heart desires or better yet what God has for me = what's best for me."
well, alright then.

wonder how related that is to this:

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD w/ all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

"Seasons change."

i hope this is true.

so, i went to see Corinne Bailey Rae at Webster Hall tonight. GREAT. and...
i cried a lil. during this song. and it's never really affected me that way before. but i'm tired, and i've been tired for a long time. and i feel like "seasons [have] change[d]" in certain respects but not in this one that i'm always talking about. whether i'm sitting alone in my room, in class, on the subway, walking down the street in New York or Philly, wherever or squoze up at that concert surrounded by mad married couples and otherwise...

she prefaced the song by saying...

"this for those that are waiting."

SO. she basically dedicated it to me.

And then after a brilliant performance from Corinne and her lovely band, they came back with this 
for me as well...

(wait, this should be prefaced with, before they came back on i found myself praying to God that this was true and that mine was coming soon)

"Don't you know that you get yours."

And i can't quite remember, but I'm sure I cried a little more.

Tomorrow (when it was Monday, so since it's past midnight=Today) is an important day for me.