Fresh off the dome

I’m wondering… well, contemplatin’

I find that I’m most attracted (cough: semi-infatuated) with those that seem to have something that I don’t. Those that have some understanding or experience that I haven't accessed yet. Those that know what I don't or seem to have the answers to something I want. Mkay. Just a thought but, I wonder if I seek these things for myself (as opposed to just shining the pedestal for whoever I'd love to learn from and thus gives me the smoochie hots) then I would be happier, at least  better off? 'Cause I'm what I can control, right? Well, if I want it anyway for myself then seeking it for me instead of going "Oh gosh, so and so is so great" has more concrete gain, right? I mean, I was gonna do it anyway. Not to say that everything that I could ever learn from someone else I can just do on my own... that's not quite it. There are definitely things that I can't learn on my own that I will learn from my relationships with people. But if I'm gushing about what they are, and there's something I want for me they just might be there to serve as that example. Maybe what I'm supposed to take away is the "what" and not the "who" and everything will feel more "right" when it's a timely mix of the two or whatever is s'posed to mixed up in thurr. 

I say all this to say, that I genuinely feel like I'm hitting that place where I'm a little more interested in fawning over (read: loving and nurturing) me than worrying about this someone I haven't met yet. Because focusing on his absence, not so much with the bringing him closer. And let's keep it real, if I shine the light far and mine enough he'll find me. 

It's funny how it takes experience for you to believe things that make sense and you've thought and heard before but are only ready to accept when you're ready. Yeah, that.

If I can't have who I want, or if who I want isn't clear, isn't present, isn't here...

I can seek the what. Eyes on the what. Get to the heart of the what. Ask me about the what. Cause the what is constant. Cause the what changes. Whats important.