so! i am writing a paper due at midnight. it is a 7-8 pg paper. i have been trying to work on it for days. i wasn't productive until i started writing it today about 7:15ish. WILDLY, this is working for me. It ain't nothin but the Lord. but there are a couple other circumstances i wanna record maybe for next time i'm in a rut while i'm feeling pretty functional and hella happy to be so :)
1. Fela Kuti Pandora station, where I find the songs I'm always like "Hol' up, what is this?!" is always Fela and not the related people. I can't wait until I get some time to really sit down and study this music, or at least, rather, the lyrics.
2. I done wrote me all kinds of motivational, positive, "Jessica, cut the shit! (fear and doubt and what-ifs)!" notes. And they workin, y'all.
3. Sometimes it really just takes a couple days for something to look different to you and for you to hear it and it click somewhere else for you to REALLY listen and hear. This is why I need to work on papers/readings days in advance. It wasn't until I read these three poems I'm writing about out loud again to myself with a clear mind and calm 'tude that I heard something I believed was happening in them.
4. So stop pressuring me! Gosh darnit!
5. Also, I have to relearn to trust my own process in getting work done. Whether I dare to believe it or not, I know what I'm doing and I always have. I just have to do it, even when it don't make a lick of sense to me or anyone else, when it seems like it would be SO much better for me to do it the way errbody else do it.
6. I had a doo doo crap day and was NOT looking forward to tonight and the midterm I have to do after I finish this paper, but at least I've stopped toying with the idea I may not be capable of completing these assignments to the best of my ability. That's just a matter of throwing EVERYTHING I GOT at these questions, concerns, arguments etc and completing what I can and turning things in on time.
7. Certain things in my day were good. Like an extension on turning in all the response papers not yet turned in for a seminar I missed the last two weeks in a row before today. Smh. haha. Oh, my life! But I'm gonna do my best to catch up here. And to create the least stress environment for myself this semester.
Oh yes!
8. I'm not gone pretend I know a whole lot, because I've really just started listening to this music but I shall say that I'm excited :) and... proud to be black! :] (I'm aware that there can be all types of arguments about blackness, African-ness and African-American-ness, but I don't care to go into all that right now)
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