"We will not compromise who we are to be accepted by the crowd. We want substance in the place of popularity. We want to think our own thoughts. We want love, not lies. We want knowledge, understanding and peace. We will not lose, because we are not losers. We are lasers."
It makes for an interesting experience when i dance with my iPod in my bra. I find that if I move enough, my boob changes the volume. Try it with this song:
"Breathe & Stop" by Q-tip
Battle Studies came in the mail today. I wonder if I’ve heard enough of this cd to buy it, but I figure even if I don’t like it as much as the others I’ll have somewhat of a complete collection of John Mayer. Then I remember I don’t own all the actual cases. I own Room for Squares. My sister has Heavier Things. I burned Continuum from my late friend. Made me wonder who he left his cds to. (He had a lot). It’d be funny I’m saying this too, because he thought (or at least joked) that was one of the main reasons I was his friend. (Not true). Makes me wonder who I’d leave mine too… who I’d leave it all too. Let’s write a practice will.
1.Leave the CDs to whoever has the balls (or the ovaries) to ask for them. If more than one, split equally. If there is a fight over the same CD have each person tell why the CD is important to them. Mark for passion.
2.Leave the clothes to my sister. Whatever she can’t fit or doesn’t want, give to charity… or cut it up and make cool stuff with it. Whatever, have it honored it some way.
3.Same with shoes.
4.Same with jewelry.
5.Whatever writing you can find. Publish it. And try to arrange it in to making some type of sense if possible. If it’s better random, screw that.
6.My laptop. Hopefully, it will be obsolete by the time of my death. Get all the writing off it first. The journals are password protected though. Tough cookies! But uhm, if I should feel the end is impending I’ll leave the passwords somewhere maybe. *shrugs shoulders*
7.iPod will probably be obsolete as well. Not to mention, mine is falling apart.
8.My home. I don’t know. How do you leave your home?
9.I’m an organ donor.
10.I guess you can take my locs… however that would work.
Half of my heart’s got a right mind to tell you that
Half of my heart won’t do
mhmm. back to focus.
11.I can’t think of anything else I own right now. Oh, the monies… lil’ scholarship? Make it a writing scholarship. Give it to the girl or boy who tells the truth, preferably an unflattering or embarrassing truth, with apparent disregard for frills and impressiveness. Gotta think of who I would choose to judge that though…
So this movie is about so many things. So many beautiful things. And I don’t like to cuss but after it all I could say was “Fucking lovely.” Sometimes the swears add the emphasis that the nice words can’t. August Rush. It’s about family. Love. Being faithful. About the Purity in Music. In Art. About dreaming. About being fearful and fearless. About returning to what's true to you. Awful tragedy and coming back from it, coming to the triumph that follows. A story that is both heartbreaking and inspiring, heartwarming. Heartwarming, a word I hardly use because I hardly feel it but... August Rush. I got chills. Almost cried. It's beautiful. And, I feel like I need to watch it by regular routine. These are the times though I have almost $40 in my bank account right now, I'd buy the movie anyway. Shoot. I'm sure I'm missing more of what I felt, but goodness! The children were so talented. The adults so afraid. But it all came together. And, it seems unlikely. That could be an argument, that it'd never happen. But, I can believe that with what had to happen for something amazing to result it's possible. That's what makes it about being faithful. Something you can't see but can hear and can trust and can know, and act accordingly. Faith is about much more than religion. And in a way that's all it is about. When I feel my greatest it's because I am faithful. When I trust something is going to work out. When I talk to God. When I talk to my equivalent of the Irish guy with the pretty eyes, that I haven't met yet. When I write, with no regard for how nice, artistic or profound it sounds. When something sweeps me off of defeat, of monotony, of worry... faith. But I could write forever on it. And I would post a video, but it wouldn't do the movie justice. I could post a couple, but I really just wish you would go out and watch it. The worse thing you could do is watch a couple clips and think you've seen, and more importantly, felt, it all. Be faithful. Go watch it. Whether it's the next time it comes on cable (like I did when I woke in the middle of the night though my friends had shown me parts of it on YouTube before) or find it online ('cause sometimes you can't quite afford to buy) or buy it. Do something. Sigh. I loved it! Sittin' there wondering if I found a favorite...
Friday. I woke up at 8am. Wrote to him. I woke up at 3pm. Got a two cheeseburger meal from McDonald's, which I miss dearly from my hometown. Listened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Packed, while I ate and listened. Caught train. Got there 10 minutes early. Glad I didn't overestimate time. Caught bus. Wrote on the bus. Still unable to write feelings, partnered with thoughts. I end up feeling thoughts. I have a tendency to do that. Such as, "I feel like you don't give a damn about me." Not "my heart aches" blah blah trite. touchy feely. so opposed. but i must learn. it's definitely a useful skill. Just so opposite to the way I've had to handle things recently. And by "things,"I mean "feelings." Got off the bus. It too, was 10 minutes early. Sat in the cold, my booty on the chilly then bench pavement. Lacked vigilance as i pulled hat from my deteriorating travel bag. It was gold. Smile. Ha. Waited maybe 20 min for my Dad to pick me up. Around 15 started talking to myself about how much this waiting has colored my relationships with people. Got in the car. Came home. The rest... is the rest.
So, the song I heard in my head that made me want to listen to RHCP
"21st Century" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
I just kept hearing,
"Read me your scripture
Read me your scripture
And I will twist it.
Give me your wrist and
Give me your wrist and
I will kiss it."
That alone is something to think about. Which I will do, some other time.
2. I can feel already how different 2010 is going to be. 2009 was long. Was transformative, in an obvious way. Accumulation of little differences when presented to the public showed drastic change. For the good. For the bad. The latest was the good. Holler.
3. I like to write to people. I like to write to people and not send it to them. It’s an exercise :] But, I’m currently working on something for someone who will last. Which means I’ll be writing it for a while ‘cause it’ll take a lot of convincing for me to think someone will last.
a. Though I’ve made the mistake of pretending I thought something was worth vulnerability mistakes about that kind of thing before.
4. In time for New Year brand change… what are my vices?
a. People watching.
b. Anonymous readership.
c. Developing crushes and shooting down possibilities, forming character breaks in crush—the last time I met and formed some semblance of a relationship with a crush (though he never knew he was one), he died. That sucks. I don’t wanna meet another one and have him die. Is that my real fear? Idk anymore.
d. Convincing myself that my efforts don’t matter, in most things worth risking my comfort for.
e. Knowing better, and not acting accordingly.
f. I’m tired of this exercise…
5. I better enjoy myself tonight! My pockets are growling, they so hungry and that bus ride here better be worth it.
6. Here’s to me consistently having something to say! [And when I say “here’s” I lift my eyebrow. Would be proper if it was a champagne glass (and champagne) to clank but nah]
