"you like to think that you're immune to the stuff"

"the lights are on

but you're not home

your mind

is not your own"

randomly heard this on So You Think You Can Dance a couple weeks ago... wrote the song down in a book and saw that note today. this is the version i first heard

this is the original

i prefer the version i first heard, but i like to know the origins of things. at least with the original i find myself rocking a lil bit. ow. but these lyrics kinda go in. 

and then there's a tina turner version. double ow! ow. ow. pow wow hey now. 

look at this black woman and her band just uh rockin' out! fire!

i'm sure there are different moods in which you can more appreciate the different versions. well, i think that's true for me. mmhm. 

this song, these lyrics are great.

as usual.

Because it's mine

I want my afro back.

Now, a good afro can invoke a physical reaction in my body when I see it. Like, I get really excited and sometimes speechless. I be forgettin' that I can have one of my own. I actually really liked the one I had before my mom convinced me to try locs after a couple months of, "You look like a five year old," "It don't look like nothing," "blah blah [insert more negative comments here]" wrapped up in "You're such a beautiful girl but..." And I didn't remember/realize until I cut my locs off that that was the reason for 2 years I had locs. Now, they were beautiful. I don't regret them. But I do regret the impetus from which I started them. I'm really tired of having to hear every couple of days (and at least this is a break from hearing everyday when I came home) about how I need some texture in my hair, I need to curl it, to make it look like something, "Don't worry I'll try to do something to it this weekend," "We'll twist it," and a like 20 minutes ago, "I just saw this hair product in the store that I think [i read:] fix your hair." Now, I'm all for trying different styles.  I will admit that for most of my life I haven't had to put a lot of work into my hair, so I haven't. I did it once a week (at my most frequent) when I used to straighten my hair, and got it done every couple of weeks when I had locs. Aside from greasin it I didn't have a lot to do, so now I will be relearning my hair. When I had my afro I didn't style it because I was happy with it the way it was and didn't see a lot of different style models. Okay. My thing, that my mom (and every one else in the occasional peanut gallery) just doesn't seem to get is that I am happy with my hair the way it is. I am thinking about different styles I want to try. If I want their help, I will ask. Until then, listen to me good when I tell you I am happy with the way my hair grows out of my head.

I'm sure there will be some transition styles and experiments on the road back to my afro and on to a larger and luscious new 'fro for me but that is where I'm headed. I don't wanna hear no lip. I will do the same thing to you I do to other people when they start the talking: tell you I'm fine the way I am, disregard you or find a pleasant way to walk out of the room.

I'm gonna live my life the way I want to live it and you either get on board or ... I don't even know. That's not my concern. I say this because I trust myself. I know I'm not gonna steer me wrong, and if I do, I know that I'll find my way back. I'm not crazy. I take advice when I need and want it. I'm open. I ask questions. I fully engage in conversation and different ideas. But if there's something I want... it's about time I exercise my right to fight and get it.

so, it's that time of year again

when I start to miss Columbia... ew. Haha. I wonder if I would ever miss school if it wasn't in New York. But, as I discussed with a friend briefly yesterday, the pull of school is that it feels like real life. All the relaxation of summer feels like a break from my life. and I'm grateful for it... but New York is where I'm gonna be making good on some big promises I'm making to myself. Definitely, there are goals I have and am fulfilling for the summer, they're just smaller and a lot of that is preparing myself for the fast-pacedness of busy-ness of next year. It's gonna be intense, but I'm gonna come out alive and very well so I'm looking forward to getting to it. Some fears conquered and whatnot, and I suspect I'll be learning more about myself and what I'm capable of. My housing will ease the pain tho I'm sure, big room, two person suite, kitchen, living room and bathroom *suuuhhh-weet!*

That might've been a little vague, but yeah. Anywho, look at this (this song was stuck in my head last Friday, I believe)

ooh! ooh! yeaaahhh....

So...

this is my new hair move. and i can't wait. *eeks gladness* i found this picture/haircut (a while ago actually, just been sitting on it) on this blog for natural hair, lecoil.tumblr.com MANY a dope natural hairstyle can be found here for men and women. it's so fun seeing beautiful black people loving their hair in it's natural state. ahh, bliss :) 

Also, I noticed last week that I have a mohawk now. Like, I've kinda known that but, I've just realized it because I've always wanted a mohawk and just never did it and when I first got my haircut I hadn't even realized I was doing this thing I always wanted to do. I have a tendency to do good things for me and not even realize I'm doing them-- that's how I got through like the first 12-13 or so years of school too, and then I started (unwittingly) putting pressure on myself and it's been confusing ever since. So, I'm thankin' I'm gonna just default myself back to just doing things because I want to and have the ability to and stop trippin' Gosh darnit. Because like... just because I take a few steps forward and other parts in my life doesn't mean I have to start worrying that I'm gonna become deficient in others (or should somehow 'cause that by doubting myself) duh, subconscious :P There are enough problems that arise that I don't have control of, that I don't need to start creating obstacles for myself by doubting or being unfairly disappointed in me. 

But BACK to the HAIR... :) To be clurr, I'm referring to the shape of the fro in the first and third pictures going clockwise, and maybe the fourth if I do some stuff to it (but that's not the goal, the important thing is the shape) That lil bump of hair over the forehead is fly! I'ma let the sides grow out a lil more and then get my dimensions on. It's gonna be a fun year for my hair :)!

so these lyrics are not a game

You must think life goes on forever 

the way you bide your time

the way you talk too much 

the way you stop trying

You believe life goes on forever

the way the sun sets

the way you feed the fear

the way you regress

Life after life goes on until it bores you to a death

even more frightening than being alive

You pretend life goes on forever & a day wasting away 

You must think like goes on forever

the way you let it slip away

the way you hide the way you feel

the way you don't feel what you say

Life after life goes on down the road you've walked before

catering to the complacent habit forming insecure

May the circle be unbroken

by and by Lord

by and by

You must think life goes on forever

the way you stay the very same

Life forever pass it on won't you tell your friends

to keep running to the future

while running from the end

the end

i'm trying not to be angry

at the world, for not knowing about Street Faerie/Cree Summer singing earlier. I just found out randomly about "Mean Sleep" from this blog (which I totally recommend following), last week. But I had to post this song, these lyrics are everything. And, if I wasn't starting to get a headache from staying up too late I'd say more. I got some research to do. Just engage: